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While some couples embrace and welcome children to their ceremony, other couples prefer to have their special day shared with adults only. Whether you decide to invite many children, just a few, or none at all this section provides helpful tips in dealing with inviting (or not inviting) children to the wedding.
 Couples have many choices when deciding whether or not to invite children to their wedding and reception. Image by spullara.
Making Your Wedding & Reception Child-Friendly
Some couples wish to open their wedding to any children whose parents are invited. This section helps address specific issues that may occur when inviting children.
 Children at a wedding reception.
Not every child can be a flower girl or a ring bearer. Some couples who have many children close to them may have one or several flower girls or ring bearers. When multiple flower girls are used, they may either hold hands and walk two-by-two or process singularily in order of height. When multiple ring bearers are used, they can either process two-by-two and share a pillow, have multiple pillows (one for each ring), or have the tallest child carry the ring and the others process in order of height.
Other children can be utilized as acolytes, train attendants, youth choir, or altar attendants.
Child Coordinators
When multiple children are utilized in the wedding, the couple may opt to designate someone (or multiple people) as a child coordinator. The child coordinator will help keep the children quiet and seated during the ceremony, and will also help watch the children during the reception.
Child-Friendly Reception Tips
 Toys provided for guests both young and old alike at HelenAngel's wedding reception. - Make sure there are non-alcoholic sparkling beverages for the toasts. Sparkling grape juice is inexpensive and will make the children, as well as any non-drinkers, feel included in the toasts. Using white grape juice (or sparkling apple cider) means parents do not have to worry about stains.
- Choose some foods that children typically like. Not all children like vegetables and gourmet éntrees. If you opt for a formal sit-down reception, it is essential that the catering be prepared to handle child dishes. Serve the child's meals first -- guests may be eyeing the chicken nuggets and french fries after the bread is gone and before the salad comes out, but the kids will be happy.
- Provide coloring books, toys, or other activities. The best way to keep children out of trouble is to keep them occupied. Some couples opt for activity sheets for children and adults, and these completed sheets make excellent pages in wedding scrapbooks.
- Schedule wedding events before bedtimes. Many wedding receptions can carry on until the wee hours of the night. Consider scheduling the dances, cake cutting, garter-toss, etc. before 9pm so that your guests with children can participate before having to leave.
Limiting Children At The Wedding & Reception
 Some couples only wish to have children who are close to them at their wedding and reception. Image by Kind of Bruin. Some couples, when posed with rapidly-inflating guest lists, decide to limit the number of children invited to the wedding and reception.
Deciding Who To Invite
Many couples find themselves in a quandry when dealing with large extended families.
- If you have a large extended family, you may want to consider limiting your guest list to first cousins and/or extended family with whom you are close. If your first cousins have children, you can designate that their children are not invited by merely putting their name and their spouse's name on the invitation.
- If you want to ensure that extra children do not come to the wedding, consider ordering/making two sets of invitations- one set for those families with children you do wish to invite and a set with additional wording for those families with children who are not invited. Wording such as "The bride and groom respectfully request that only those specified on the invitation attend the wedding & reception" can prevent confusion amongst guests.
- Consider talking to those relatives beforehand directly, or getting a family member to talk to them.
Explaining Your Choice to Friends & Family
Not all families are supportive of limiting children at a wedding and reception. When explaining your decisions, remember that honesty is almost always the best policy. You can explain that due to financial concerns you had to limit the guest list, etc. Explaining how you decided to include which children (by proximity, relationship, etc.) may also help gusts understand why some children were invited and some were not. However, you may just want to impress that this is your wedding and this is simply your preference.
You may also want to consider designating a friend or family member to field these kinds of questions. They can deal with these issues discreetly and diplomatically so you won't have to worry.
Providing Alternatives
Some couples opt to send special gifts to children who were not able to be invited.
- Age-appropriate coloring books or other activity books are ideal gifts for children who are excluded. Some couples will make their own wedding-themed coloring or activity books and send them to children who were not invited while passing them out to attending children at the reception.
- Sending a card to the children can serve as both a wedding announcement and featuring a small, personalized message within the card can make the family feel included.
- Some couples opt to send small age-appropriate toys to the children.
Having an Adults-Only Wedding & Reception
Some couples do not wish to have children at their wedding or reception at all. Many of these couples wish to be free to enjoy their wedding without the interruption and hassle that children may provide.
 Some couples prefer only having adults at their wedding and reception. Image by mote.
Wording Invitations
A small line at the end of the invitation should suffice. In addition, the couple should only address the invitations to the adults in the household. Some wording includes:
- "The couple requests that persons under the age of 18 not attend the wedding or reception."
- "The bride and groom respectfully request that those who are under 18 do not attend the wedding or reception."
- "In order to respect our wishes, we respectfully request that children are not brought to the wedding or reception."
- "Due to the formality of the event, the couple requests that only adults of 18 years or older be in attendance at the wedding and reception."
Wording RSVP Cards
It's also acceptable to have this information on the RSVP card, instead of the invitation. One easy way to do this, if you're trying to avoid hurt feelings, is to simply assign a number of people you are accepting an RSVP from on each family's card. So, if you invite a husband and wife, who have three kids you could simply ask for how many out of 2 will be attending.
Addressing the Envelope
Addressing the envelope for the invitation, will also give the recipiant an idea of who is being invited. If you simple address it to the husband and wife, they will get the idea. By adding the "and family", or specifically listing childrens name, you're inviting them as well.
Explaining Your Choice to Friends & Family
Not all families are supportive of excluding children at a wedding and reception. When explaining your decisions, remember that honesty is almost always the best policy. You can explain that due to financial concerns you had to limit the guest list, etc. However, you may just want to impress that this is your wedding and this is simply your preference.
You may also wish to designate a friend or family member on each side of the family to handle this and ensure that your desires are fulfilled. Ushers should be instructed to politely tell guests who do bring children that their children are not allowed in the ceremony or reception area.
Providing Alternatives
All of these alternatives are just suggestions for the couple who may wish to still accomodate guests with children. Many couples do not wish to provide alternatives and this is perfectly acceptable. For those who do, here are some suggestions.
- Consider providing an insert in the invitations with a list of babysitting services.
- Some couples opt to send coloring books and/or small toys to children whose parents are invited.
- Consider providing on-site nursery or babysitting services for those who are unable to find child care.
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