Potentially dangerous guests

From AppleBride Community Encyclopedia

Jenova, a virus-like extraterrestrial with a hankering for world destruction. She's unlikely to get you a piece in your Lennox set.

Many couples have concerns about guests that may cause a problem at their special day. In order to avoid potentially disasterous situations, you may want to think twice before inviting certain guests. Below we've detailed various types of guests that may cause problems.

1 Villains
2 Monsters
3 Virus-like Malevolent Extraterrestrials
4 People Made From Asbestos
5 Those Carrying Large Weaponry
6 Genocidal Overlords
7 External Links

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Villains

A villain forcing a lovely young lady to marry him against her will by imprisoning her party members.

In general, villains make poor wedding guests. While many of them will often bring pleasant and/or enticing gifts, they may cause problems. For instance, a villain may lock up the groom to be food for a giant water dragon whilst he forces the bride to marry him.

Many couples may be blissfully unaware of villains in their midst. In fact, most villains masquerade as heroes and/or manipulate heroes in order to achieve their devious ends. It is not uncommon for villains to make themselves look innocent and some may even believe themselves to be so. Many villains also believe that their selfish desires are, indeed, for the greater good. They may be so convinced of this that it drives their desires to obsession and mania.

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Monsters

This is a malevolent monster.

This is a benevolent 'monster'.

Monsters can widely very in size, ability, and intelligence. Whenver monsters are encountered, first wait or do a scan to see if they are malevolent or benevolent. Some monsters (e.g. some dragons, moogles) are benevolent and only want to wish the couple well. Other monsters (e.g. magic pots) must be banished by special means or you risk damage to the wedding party. If malevolent monsters attack, the party should be prepared for battle and banish them quickly so as to avoid disrupting the wedding. If someone in your party is able to do so, they should try to mug the monsters for special items.

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Virus-like Malevolent Extraterrestrials

Jenova from Final Fantasy 7. She injected her cells in her hosts so that she would be able to control them.

While there are few of these, they are a greater danger than one may think. Virus-like malevolent extraterrestrials and their nefarious plans may infect and endanger the planet and its inhabitants for many generations, even after the alien has been destroyed and/or imprisoned. This ability makes them generally poor wedding guests. Guests who return from a wedding with normal viruses often become annoyed with the couple, even if the couple had little to do with the acquisition of the illness. Imagine how infuriated your guests will be if they return to discover they've caught a virus that is manipulating their genetic code and making them puppets of an evil alien.

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People Made From Asbestos

This guest may possibly be made out of asbestos. She has an awfully pale palor...

While the people themselves may have a fine character, the danger lies in the composition of the person. Exposure to asbestos can increase your chances of getting two principal types of cancer: cancer of the lung tissue itself and mesothelioma, a cancer of the thin membrane that surrounds the lung and other internal organs. These diseases generally only appear after many years and usually do not develop immediately following exposure. Of course, we have very little information on the effects when one comes in close personal contact to a poor soul who is comprised entirely of this fibrous and potentially dangerous material.

Mesothelioma and the negative affects of asbestos are very serious. The average life span from diagnosis to death of someone afflicted with mesothelioma is about two years. Because of this, it is one of the deadliest non-contagious diseases known. It is a disease that is almost entirely preventable as the only known cause is through exposure to asbestos. Mesothelioma forms when the asbestos degrades into fine particles of dust. These particles, when inhaled, erode away the lining of the lungs which causes ulcers and eventually cancer. These particles can stick to clothes and hence can have a negative impact on those who are merely close to someone who has had exposure to asbestos or those made out of asbestos (e.g. your dry cleaner).

Some degrading, and hence dangerous, asbestos.

People made from asbestos are generally rare despite the fact that asbestos was a popular building material in the middle of the last century. Many people who are made from asbestos are mistaken for vampires, goths, or individuals with dermatological problems. Because asbestos is pale in color and relatively unflexible, a person made from asbestos may have a markedly rigid gait and remarkably pale skin. After making people out of alabaster (and hence the term 'alabaster skin') proved to be costly and difficult to animate, creators looked for better materials. Asbestos, with its low-cost, light weight and flame-retardant properties, made it an excellent candidate.

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Those Carrying Large Weaponry

No, no, Cloud! It's bad manners to bring such a large sword to a wedding.

There is a saying that there is a time and a place for everything. While large weaponry is dead useful in battle, it is generally not appropriate to bring to a wedding. In a world where foes may linger nearby and one can randomly encounter monsters on a leisurely stroll, it is understandable that a guest may want to have some form of armament. However, it is not proper etiquette for a guest to bring unduly large weaponry to the ceremony or reception.

Some acceptable weapons are concealed knives, small swords, small pistols (just remember to engage the safety!), power gloves (as long as they match your dress attire), utensils, small scepters, animated puppets (just make sure to keep them restrained!) and small projectiles (e.g. boomerangs, balls, shuriken). Large swords, pikes, polearms, morningstars, gunblades, rifles, and javelins are not acceptable. In some cases, bayonettes and shotguns may be acceptable but you should ask the couple first. For those with weaponry grafted directly on to one's person (e.g. gun arms), one should keep the modified arm positioned towards the floor at all times.

Tip:

A tailor can easily widen the length of a jacket arm so that a dress jacket may be worn over your gun arm. Having a weapon for a limb is no excuse to be dressed inappropriately!

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Genocidal Overlords

Sauron, a perfect example of an ethereal genocidal overlord.

Some couples have found their wedding day dampened by the unexpected presence of a genocidal overlord. Most of the time, the couple is unaware of a guest's foray into the world of obsessive and murderous world domination. When going down your guestlist, you may want to make note of guests who may have turned to the dark side since the Save-the-dates were sent.

Some genocidal overlords are easy to spot as they are non-human. If you have a friend who wears primarily armor and/or cannot be hurt by non-magical items, he or she may be a non-human or ethereal creature. Do not be alarmed- most ethereal people are NOT genocidal overlords. However, if they are constantly trying to make you one of their minions and/or amassing large armies of undead, you may have a problem on your hands. To avoid potential etiquette problems, you may want to just list your overlord friend's name on the invitation alone and omit the "and guest" option.

This guest went a bit too crazy in his quest of self-modification and acquisition of power.

Other genocidal overlords may be harder to spot. Your old friend Matt, for instance, may one day snap after too many questionable vitamin supplements and suddenly decide it is his duty to make himself a god by destroying the world. If you haven't sent any wedding correspondence to him, you may want to skip the invitation and simply send a marriage announcement. If he's already sent in his RSVP, however, there's little more you can do than to make sure your party is well-armed and hope for the best. However, you may want to call him and specify that "and guest" means he is allowed ONE guest and therefore cannot bring his entire evil entourage. This day IS about the couple, after all, and not about the impending doom of humanity. The safety of the world can wait 2 hours while you celebrate your sacred vows.

If you believe one of your guests may already be, or may become, a genocidal overlord, use this checklist for warning signs:

He/she is amassing minions and/or armies.
He/she has a sidekick/best friend who cowers at their every word.
He/she begins wearing heavy armor to the grocery store.
He/she designs and flies his/her own flag and encourages you to do so as well.
His/her gardener and other attendants develop a glazed-over look and respond to every command.
There are world maps displayed prominantly in his/her bedroom.
He/she insists you call them "general", "maester", "emperor", "almighty", or "god".
When he/she hears you will be using gold wedding bands, he/she suddenly becomes very interested in where you are keeping the gold rings before the ceremony.
He/she seems to be implanting various thoughts into your head- everything from how people should be seated at the reception to why you should let them make the punch.
He/she suddenly sprouts a wing... or two... or six...
Eerie, heavy full-orchestra music seems to accompany him/her wherever she/he goes.

Tip:

If you suspect a genocidal overlord will be attending, be sure to tell your DJ NOT to play "The Chicken Dance" or "The Electric Slide" as this has been proven to incite them to attack with their legions of orcs, zombies, and other undesireables.

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External Links

Issendai takes on Final Fantasy X - Great humorous recreations of a few key points in FFX
Gloriosa - A wonderful site full of great Final Fantasy pictures.
Jenova.org - A great website dedicated to all things Jenova (the creepy virus-like extraterrestrial you see above).
Final Fantasy Online - Everything you ever wanted to know about the Final Fantasy games.
Eyes on Final Fantasy - A great fan site with lots of Final Fantasy tutorials and news.
AdventChildren.net - The fan resource for Final Fantasy 7 Compilation stuff

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Potentially dangerous guests

Contents

Villains

Monsters

Virus-like Malevolent Extraterrestrials

People Made From Asbestos

Those Carrying Large Weaponry

Genocidal Overlords

External Links

Views

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