Reception

The reception is the celebration of the marriage ceremony. Traditionally, food and drinks are served and toasts are made. The reception is traditionally paid for by the bride's family.

If you plan on doing much of the reception yourself, please see the Do-It-Yourself Reception page. There is also a special page for Pot-luck receptions, Appetizer reception, and Vegetarian Receptions.

Choosing a Reception Venue

When you are shopping for a venue, it is important to make a list of things that you want at your reception site. Bring this list (along with a copy of the Brides' Bill of Rights) with you to each place you visit. You may want to consider the following:

• Does the venue charge by the hour or by the event? Are there time restrictions you will need to consider?
• What is the cancellation policy? (ALWAYS GET THIS IN WRITING!)
• Are there any restrictions on what vendors you can use?
• What is the maximum occupancy?
• How much do you need to pay and when?
• How is the venue able to be decorated?
• Are there any restrictions on music?
• Are there any restrictions on guests? If necessary, is the venue handicapped accessible?
• Will the venue be available for rehearsals or decoration before the event?
• What are the regulations regarding fires, emergencies, inclement weather, or other unforeseen events?
• Who is to be contacted in case there are problems with the venue?
• Do you need to carry any sort of event insurance to use the venue?
• Is the location of the venue convenient? Is it easy to find? Is it near the ceremony venue?
• What kinds of flowers and florists can be used? (If applicable.)
• Are there any dress or clothing restrictions?
• What areas are able to be used? Are there any areas that are off-limits?

Consider Location

Some couples fall in love with venues without taking into consideration the logistics of the location. If your reception venue is too far away from your ceremony venue, you may lose guests along the way. If your reception venue is too far from your caterer or your baker, you may have to pay extra travel fees (or drive there yourself balancing a wedding cake on your lap!) Another factor to consider is how easy your reception venue is to find, especially if you have guests from out-of-town.

All-Inclusive or Not?

You may encounter several reception sites (and sites that do both reception and ceremonies) that are all-inclusive. "All-inclusive" means the site provides catering, music, and all other traditional reception services. Just as with any sort of service, there are pros and cons to an all-inclusive site. When deciding whether this type of venue is the best for you, take in consideration the following.

Pros

• It is very convenient. A couple without a lot of time, who is having a destination wedding, or who simply wants to avoid the hassle of multiple vendors will definitely want to research this option. This pro is one of the most attractive to betrothed couples.

• It may be less expensive. Some all-inclusive venues, because they have their own vendors, are able to offer you an all-inclusive price that is less than if you hired all separate vendors.

• It may be easiest on your guests. Some couples, especially if they have many out-of-town guests, may opt for venues that also contain hotels so that guests do not have to drive.

Cons

• It may be more expensive. Some all-inclusive venues have much higher prices than if you used individual vendors.

• You may not have the option for DIY. Some all-inclusive venues don't allow you to bring in anything of your own creation- particularily flowers, favors, or drinks. Before you sign the contract, make sure the venue allows you to bring in what you'd like.

• The quality may not be that good. Some couples have chosen all-inclusive venues only to receive poor service, cafeteria-like food or other low-quality services. Be sure you get a free tasting of all things to be served before you sign and put down a deposit.

• You may have limited menu options. Most banquet venues have a few entrees from which you can choose. Most wedding cakes prepared also have limited flavors and icing types. Be sure they can serve what you like and do the cake you want before you agree to anything.

• Your time may be limited. Many all-inclusive venues run on very stringent time frames. If your reception is from 6pm to midnight, the venue will expect the last guest to leave at midnight. If you have lots of party-loving guests, you may want to make other arrangements for them or choose a venue with more flexible time.

Sign the Contract

Before you sign any contract, read over it carefully. Make sure that everything you want is clearly stated and that all terms are agreeable to you. If anything is incorrect or if something is not in the contract (like chair rental, etc.) have it changed before you sign it. Remember that this is a legally-binding contract and one of your only recourses if something goes wrong. After you sign it, do not leave until you have a countersigned copy in your hands. DO NOT put down a deposit before you have a signed contract.

Decorations

After your contracts are signed and deposits are made, it's time to begin researching and choosing decorations. Some venues will provide them for you (especially all-inclusive venues) but others will not. Be sure to get the dimensions of tables, the venue itself, chairs, and what types of decorations are allowed in the venue. Some venues do not allow any sort of fasteners so a couple would have to be creative (and limited) in their decoration options.

Tablecloths & seat covers

Many couples spend a lot of time choosing tablecloths. The tablecloth does play an important role- it really can add to the ambiance of the reception venue. Tablecloths can be somewhat expensive, so some couples have chosen to make Do it yourself tablecloths. They are easy to make and by doing it yourself you can get the exact color and type of tablecloth you want. This is especially necessary if the tables are in odd shapes or sizes.

Before buying tablecloths, see if you can rent them from a hotel or restaurant supply company. Some venues even offer tablecloth rental but it may be more than if you rented it elsewhere. Also keep in mind that some tables may not need tablecloths. A centerpiece or solitary runner may suffice for tables with nice finishes.

Seat covers or chair covers are a personal preference for the couple. Many guests do not notice their presence or absence and because chairs are often moving and/or occupied, they are generally unnoticed. However, the chairs at the venue may be cracked or simply not go with the decor. Venues that offer tablecloth rentals often also rent seat covers, though like tablecloths you might find it less expensive to rent them from a hotel or Many home furnishing stores sell chair covers or you can make one yourself. If you're already making your own tablecloths, you may want to buy extra fabric to make chair covers. Here is a pattern for a chair cover. Other alternatives to seat covers are to drape the chairs in a light fabric or tulle, or tie bows, ribbons, or fabric around the backs of the chairs to provide an extra touch.

Centerpieces

Most couples want some sort of centerpiece or table decoration on the tables for guests. Many couples use bouquets used in the ceremony as centerpieces or use favors for guests as centerpieces. Other couples find that the venue provides centerpieces. Centerpieces are very easy to make. Please see the Do it yourself centerpieces page for ideas on how to do your own. When deciding on what to use, keep the following in mind.

• Some guests will take home centerpieces as this is a common practice in several areas of the world, particularily the United States. If you don't want guests to take home the centerpieces, it is best to leave a small note indicating that they are not to be taken. Some couples use this to their advantage and play games to determine who gets to go home with the centerpiece.

• Large centerpieces can keep guests from interacting. If you have assigned seating, you may want to choose a smaller centerpiece so that guests at the table can converse easily with one another.

• Fire and alcohol do not mix. If you plan on having an open bar with unlimited drinks, you may not want to use candles, oil lamps, or any other type of flame with the centerpieces. More than one wedding has been ruined by an intoxicated guest knocking over a naturally lit centerpiece and setting the tablecloth or other goods ablaze.

• You could use water instead of fire (candlelights) for centerpieces--you could top flowers on clear decorative bowls filled with water.

• You may want to choose flower colors that coordinate with the appearance of the table, the room, or even the current season. For example, white is good for winter, pastel colors are good for spring, pink and yellow are good for summer, and orange and brown are good for fall.

Miscellaneous Decoration

Here are some other decorations that are not necessary but you may considering doing:

• baskets of toiletries for the bathrooms
• corsages for all female guests
• decorative baskets or boxes for guests to take home food
• thank-you envelopes for each guest containing a small cash gift or gift certificate
• activity packs or baskets for children (please also see Inviting children)
• decorative lighting on walls, windows, doors & ledges

Catering

Not all receptions require catering. Do it yourself receptions and Pot-luck receptions may have food brought in by guests or done by the couple. Appetizer receptions can be catered but are often less expensive than regular catering because of the nature of the food.

Whatever food you may be serving, you should inform the guests of what kind of food you are serving at the reception. For example, some guests may be shocked if only desserts or light snacks are served if they're expecting a buffet or a three-course meal.

Some delicatessens (Atlanta Bread Company, Schlotzsky's, etc.) and sit-down restaurants (Chili's, Steak & Ale, etc.) offer catering. If a restaurant that you really like and trust offers catering, you should consider calling them.

If you do reserve a caterer, be sure to tell the caterer how many people you know for sure are going to attend the reception. If more people come than expected, though, see if you can ask the caterer for any last-minute adjustments. Also, be sure to let the caterer know if any of the guests have certain food allergies or intolerances and ask about alternative food options to accomodate them.

Be sure to plan to have enough food for the people who are certainly coming. But if others respond after you reserve, ask the caterer if any last-minute adjustments are possible.

Serving Styles

There are two ways a caterer can serve food: sit-down, where servers carry plates of food over to the guests, and buffet (sometimes known as smorgasbord), where guests can serve themselves by putting the food they want on clean plates. If you are concerned about costs in time and money, especially since buffets may leave you with excessive uneaten food, you should ask the caterer about the most economical method of serving.

Desserts Only

You could also have a reception with desserts. Be sure to notify your guests about this. If you do this, consider the following:

• Not everyone likes every kind of dessert. You may want to have several different kinds of desserts (ice cream, cake, gelatin, cookies, etc.)
• Not everyone likes every flavor. For example, don't offer all chocolate desserts. Consider chocolate, vanilla, cherry, strawberry, orange, etc. Basically, have a variety of desserts out.
• Some people may have diabetes or may otherwise avoid sugar. You may want to consider sugar-free alternatives containing sweeteners such as Splenda, aspartame (Equal; not recommended for persons with PKU since aspartame contains phenylalanine), or saccharin (Sweet-n-Low).
• You may also want to have some gluten-free and/or casein-free desserts if you know some of your guests have gastrointestinal disorders such as celiac or irritable bowel syndrome.
• For lactose-intolerant guests, you might want to consider desserts that contain no milk or that contain a soy milk substitute.
• Avoid peanuts if you know that any of your guests are allergic to peanuts.
• You will need to have no milk, eggs, butter, cheese, yogurt, or any other animal product for that matter in vegan desserts. You're restricted to plant-based products such as bread, sugar, fruit, and nuts. Vegan soybean-based alternatives to dairy products also exist.

Drinks

Drinks get their own section because they are often a unique part of the wedding reception. Traditional wedding receptions offer local ale selections, local wine selections, and a champagne or sparkling wine for toasting. However, some couples may opt for "dry" (i.e. no alcohol) receptions. Other couples may not be able to afford open bars and hence have limited drink choices. Your beverages may need to have a separate budget item just for themselves if you have specific preferences.

Selecting a Type of Bar

There are several types of bars at wedding receptions. There is the traditional open bar, often staffed by a bartender, where guests can order and receive any type of alcoholic drink they like. This is often the most expensive option, especially if you have guests who are heavy drinkers. There is a pre-paid bar, where the couple buys the alcohol to be used beforehand. Once the alcohol is out, the bar closes. This option is the most popular for cost-conscious couples. Next is the limited selection bar. A few types of beverages are made available but in generally large quantities so guests may have their fill. The final type is the cash bar. Individuals pay for their own drinks.

Champagne Toasts

Drink Selections

Not everybody likes every drink, so you might want to maintain a variety based on your guests' specific preferences.

Beer

There are many different kinds of beer out there. Lagers tend to be pale in color, and ales and stouts tend to be dark in color.

Not everyone likes Budweiser, Corona, Heineken, or Miller. You may also want to consider Michelob Amber Bock (dark lager), Guinness, Kirin Ichiban, Newcastle Brown Ale, or Warsteiner (light or dark). Many stores, even in the same chain and city, have different selections of beer. Sweet flavored malt beverages such as Smirnoff Ice and Zima XXX also exist.

If you pour beer at a bar, make sure to pour it with the cup or mug at a 45° angle so that the beer doesn't foam too much.

Etiquette

Inviting to Wedding or Reception Only

Child-free Receptions

You could hire sitters for the children during the reception. Be sure to provide them with food and activities.

Receptions with Children

You could have child attendants sit with their parents at the parents' table. If you have many children, then you might want have a special table just for them, near the parents' table.

Another thing you could do for the kids is put bags of jellybeans in the centerpieces, if they have no candles and are not bowls of water.

Activities

Toasts

The best man performs the first toast to commemoration of the newlywed couple. After that, other people in the wedding party, such as the father of the bride, the mother of the bride, the father of the groom, the mother of the groom, and the grandparents of the bride and the groom.

Cutting the Cake

Generally, the top layer of the wedding cake is not served but is put away, frozen for the couple's first anniversary.

As for the rest of the cake, the bride and the groom cut one slice together for themselves, then the groom serves the slice to the bride, and the bride does the same for the groom. Then each spouse serves a slice to each of his or her in-laws. After that, all the other guests are served a slice.

Dances

Bouquet & Garter Toss

Before she goes, the bride tosses her wedding bouquet behind for someone to catch it.

Alternatives

If you don't want to toss the bouquet, you could instead toss a plush toy. This could be ideal for children and those who are allergic to flower pollen.

Sending Off the Couple

The couple finally leaves the reception by getaway car, usually a limousine. Traditionally, the back of the car is decorated with strings of cans and a "Just Married" sign. The best man and the groomsmen are usually in charge of decorating the car, although some limousine renters may have already done that.

Entertainment

Hiring Online

There are portals such as Gigmasters where you can find entertainers to hire. Many of these entertainers have their own Web sites as well. Be sure to carefully check out each one, and be sure that the entertainer has an address and phone number with which you can contact him or her.

Also, be sure that the entertainer does his or her job as you instructed. Make sure that the entertainer is not under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Comedians

You could have a comedian perform at the reception. Each comedian is funny in a different way, so before hiring one, make sure you get to know what the comedian's style of humor is like and how tasteful his or her jokes are. For example, not everybody likes impressions, puns, or political satire. You should also instruct the comedian not to use crude language or slurs (racial, sexual, or otherwise), especially if you are hiring the comedian at a religious area (such as a church fellowship hall) or a culturally sensitive setting, and make sure that the comedian is not under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Some businesses like Comedy Underground and DR Entertainment can hire comedians.

Games

Game Shows

You, one of the guests, or an MC could start a game show event:

• Jeopardy!
  • The game console "Host Your Own Jeopardy!", valued at US$399.99, allow you to organize and even customize your own Jeopardy! games. You can connect the device to a TV.
  • Build Your Own Jeopardy is an open-source Jeopardy! board simulator for Windows and Debian.
• Match Game: Endless Games offers a DVD version of Match Game.
• Password: Endless Games offers a DVD version of Password.
• The Price is Right: Endless Games offers a DVD version of The Price is Right.

• Board games: The simplest way is to play the "home" version of a board game. Endless Games produces board game versions of Card Sharks, Family Feud, The Newlywed Game, The Price Is Right, Password, and Pyramid. Pressman Toy produces board game versions of Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune.
• Buzzers:
  • You could get the Funbuzzer 1 Game Show Buzzer System, starting at US$149.95.
  • You might also be able to find a discontinued buzzer system called Quizzard, bundled with the board game version of Sale of the Century, also discontinued.

Jugglers

Juggling can be traced back to ancient accounts in the Jewish Talmud. In the 1st century, Shimon ben Gamliel introduced such a practice in simchat beit hashoeva, a water drawing ritual, and a rabbi juggled for a Jewish wedding reception in the 4th century.

Juggling in itself is a discipline, and there are several professionals out there who do this sort of thing for a living and can put on an impressive show. As with other professionals, before hiring a juggler, find out about the jugglers' qualifications.

All kinds of objects can be juggled. However, no one other than an experienced professional should juggle dangerous objects such as knives or things on fire. In fact, even with a professional, you may not want flaming objects to be juggled at all, particularly indoors, as this is a great fire hazard.

Masters of Ceremonies

Several wedding entertainment services hire out MC's. Some wedding DJ's may also double as MC's; for information on hiring DJ's, see also Disc jockey. Be sure to ask your prospective DJ if he or she can double as an MC. If he or she can do it, you could save yourself some time and money, but be sure to ask about the DJ's MC qualifications first before you hire the DJ as an MC.

Be sure to give the MC a list of assignments as well as a clear schedule of your reception. You could even have the MC host a game show for you.

Music

Karaoke

You can set up your own karaoke system, or, if you're hiring a DJ, why not have him or her do it? Be sure to avoid inappropriate songs and make sure you get the songs you want.

There are many karaoke CD's that you can buy, with lyricless versions of various pop hits (as the idea of karaoke is to do your own singing; karaoke is a Japanese portmanteau, literally meaning "empty orchestra.") Some of them may be CD+G (CD+Graphics) format, which, if played in a CD player that supports the graphical data, will display on a video screen that's connected to it. Karaoke music discs may also be in VCD (video CD) or DVD format.

There are many, many players and sound systems out there that are specifically designed for karaoke. The players support many different music formats, including MP3's on disc, and have special microphone output functions and can be connected through TVs and video screens. Each player usually costs several hundred dollars, but cheaper (only a few hundred) if the player is just the core player or component deck itself.

If you are playing music from a computer, you could use Vocal Remover to filter out singing voices from the music you play. However, it only works on 16-bit or 32-bit stereo sound, not all vocal sounds could be filtered out, and some other sound may be accidentally filtered out. It depends on what music is currently being played when Vocal Remover is in use.

You can also get the PlayStation 2 game Karaoke Revolution and a PlayStation 2 microphone. GameCube and Xbox versions of Karaoke Revolution also exist, but the PlayStation 2 has the most Karaoke Revolution games available.

Video Jockeys

A video jockey (VJ) is a DJ who plays music videos or other video displays that are supposed to accompany the music that the DJ is playing. Some DJs may offer to be a VJ as well.

If you want to do this sort of thing yourself, you can play music on a computer using a sound visualization program such as Gephex. Gephex is free and open source and is available on several operating systems, including Windows.

External Links & Sources

• AnalogX: Vocal Remover
• Better Homes and Gardens July 2006, p. 78: "Home Front: What's Happening for Homes" by Kristine Kennedy
• Bridal Guide vol. 22 no. 4, July/Aug. 2006, p. 60: "Wedding Q&A" by Diane Forden.
• Bridal Guide vol. 22 no. 4, July/Aug. 2006, p. 76: "Child's Play" by Elena Donovan Mauer.
• Bridal Guide vol. 22 no. 5, Sept./Oct. 2006, pp. 66, 69: "Wedding Q&A" by Diane Forden.
• Bridal Guide vol. 22 no. 5, Sept./Oct. 2006, pp. 70, 72, 74: "Best Buds" by Elena Donovan Mauer.
• Bridal Guide vol. 22 no. 5, Sept./Oct. 2006, p. 147: "75 Ways to Make Your Wedding Unique" by Rachel Griffiths.
• Bridal Guide vol. 22 no. 5, Sept./Oct. 2006, p. 143: "Making the Cut" by Jennifer Lazarus.
• Bridal Guide vol. 22 no. 5, Sept./Oct. 2006, p. 150: "Twists on Traditions" by Elena Donovan Mauer.
• eHow.com: "How to Cut the Wedding Cake"
• Gephex
• Gigmasters
• Karaoke Revolution
• The Jewish Magazine: "Jewish Jugglers in Talmud and History" by Raphael Harris
• Karaoke Star
• Karaoke Warehouse
• Shane Co.: Cake Designers
• Wedding-Garter.com: Wedding Traditions and Superstitions
• Wikipedia: CD+G
• Wikipedia: Jeopardy!
• Wikipedia: VJ (Video performance artist)
• VJs.net

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